Deeds!
by Robyn
Summary: (formally Jokerz Rhapsody) After the events of ROTJ, the Dee-Dee Twins tell their story! ...Seemed like a good idea at the time... (Please read this chap, this is where it gets good, honest!)
1. Intro!

~Hey, I'm Delia Dennis.~  
  
^And I'm Deidre Dennis! You might know us as the late Joker's right hand chicks, the Dee Dee Twins! Er, actually, we're not really sure he's dead.^  
  
~He better be, 'cause he'd be REALLY pissed if he were to see this. See, ever since we got out from under our "dear" Nana Harley's -~  
  
^As if! :P^  
  
~Ever since we got out from under "Madame Witch's" thumb, we've been hangin' at clubs and stuff, where we are constantly being hounded by questions. "Was he the REAL Joker?" "What was it like working for him?" "Did you ever, y'know, DO it with him?"~  
  
^About that last one, HECK NO! Well, *I* didn't, I dunno about Delia.^  
  
~WHAT? Um, NO! Grossness!~  
  
^*LOL* ^_^^  
  
~UGH! Deidre, stop with the chat room crap! Anyway, we thought it would be easier if we just wrote it down for everyone! Maybe even write a book!~  
  
^Yeah! We'll call it: "I Was A Teenage Joker!"^  
  
~Uhhh no. Well, we'll think of something. For now, we're gonna give you the FACTS!~  
  
^Right! No bells and whistles here!^  
  
~Understand, of course, we might've taken a few things out. And maybe put a few things in.~  
  
^But essentially it's the real, true deal! Really! Oh, one more thing: DON'T TELL NANA HARLEY!^  
  
~Oh yeah, she would TOTALLY slag us if she found out we were writing this thing.~  
  
^Totally!^  
  
~Speaking of which, I think I hear her coming now! Crap! We'll be back - don't go away!~  
  
^TTFN! *LOL*^  
  
~Arrrgh, Dee!~ 


	2. Another Intro!

(*sigh* Sorry about the wait! I know you were all just DYING of anticipation. (Yeah right. *LOL*) The Dee Dees were, uh, on extended vacay! Yeah, let's go with that. Anyway, the next chapter WILL be in story form, I promise! And I WILL try to update more, I'm just the worst procrastinator, so bear with me.)  
  
~Soooo I guess we ought to tell a bit about ourselves.~  
  
^I agree! Okay, we're both sassy Capricorns, enjoy long walks and martinis, and are both SINGLE! ^_^ *LOL*^  
  
~o_O0 Ummm I was thinking, like, our history or whatever. 'Cause we're not originally from Gotham!~  
  
^Oh, that's right! We're from - get this - ALABAMBA! Ick much?? Don't know WHAT our parents were thinking.^  
  
~They were both pretty weird (which I guess explains everything.well, it explains Deidre, anyway.)~  
  
^Yah. Wait.HEY!^  
  
~*LOL* Anyway, our mom's name was Candy! CANDY! How seventies is that!?~  
  
^And our dad was - ^  
  
~A jerk.~  
  
^Yep, he really was. Got drunk a lot and was always going on about the evil hamsters out to get him. Which makes NO sense - I LOVE HAMSTERS! Have you seen the new show Hamtaro Beyond?!?!?^  
  
~-_-0 Forgive her, she knows not what she says.~  
  
^Sure I do! ^_^ Anyway, we could never figure out why Mom married him.^  
  
~Well, Mom was always as dumb as a brick.~  
  
^Delia! -_-^  
  
~Fine, she was a LITTLE smarter than a brick. But she was still pretty dumb! I mean, only SHE would get herself and dad killed in a freak accident involving frogs and a vat of caramel! (Don't ask.)~  
  
^Yah, I guess so. So when they died, we got shipped off to Gotham with to our only other living relative, our - ^  
  
~DUN DUN DUN!~  
  
^NANA HARLEY! Cue the "Psycho" music! *LOL*^  
  
~We actually got along with her okay at first.~  
  
^Yah, that was because we were doing - ^  
  
~Ohmigawd, DON'T TELL THEM!~  
  
^Aw, c'mon, they won't care! We were 14!^  
  
~Argh, FINE, we were.doing ballet. -_-0~  
  
^Yep, we were her little ballerinas!^  
  
~Then we were granted sanity at age 15 and stopped that nonsense. On the bright side, it made us strong and taught us agility, which became very useful later on!~  
  
^But Nana Harley was pretty mad, and then we started getting into fights at school and stuff.^  
  
~It was always THEIR fault, but of course no one listened to us.~  
  
^Nana Harley started cracking down on our free time, kept us at home.^  
  
~Which sucked. We were in GOTHAM, we had heard the weirdest stories about that city!~  
  
^We needed to get OUT and see for ourselves!^  
  
~And then.~  
  
^One day.^  
  
~It happened.~  
  
^We met a guy who wanted to take us out.^  
  
~Who wanted to show us the underworld of Gotham. We readily agreed.~  
  
^And his name - ^  
  
~Was "J-Man".~ 


	3. Get Yer Clown On!

"Uhh, Delia?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"I think someone slipped somethin' into my drink."  
  
"WHAT?" Delia Dennis swung her head around to face her sister, Deidre Dennis, who had a worried look on her face and a cup in her hand. They were sitting at a table in what looked like your cliché nightclub, but with a twist: everyone had on some bizarre clown getup. Most of them looked more like members of KISS than actual circus clowns, but others had decided that brighter was better.  
  
Including the girls' date, J-Man, who, at the moment, was at the other side of the room apparently talking with his buddies. Delia gave him an accusing glare, figuring that if anyone put something in Deidre's drink, it would be him, but he didn't seem to notice. She looked at Deidre again.  
  
"Deidre, how many times do I have to tell you: DON'T drink ANYTHING at parties!"  
  
"I know, I'm sorry."  
  
"Do you feel dizzy or anything?"  
  
"No, actually, I feel fine - I just noticed some weird white stuff in my drink."  
  
"Hmm, lemmie see that." She took the cup from Deidre and inspected it. Indeed, there was some sort of powdery white substance floating in the liquid. Then a thought occurred to her, and she took a closer look at Deidre's face.  
  
She burst out laughing.  
  
"Huh??" Deidre cried in confusion, "De-li-aaaaaaaa! What's so funny??"  
  
"WAH HA HA HA HA HA! Omigawd, Deidre, just look in your mirror!"  
  
Deidre blinked and took a little mirror out of her purse. She began to inspect her face, and soon saw what Delia had seen: the whole bottom half of her face had been wiped clean of her white make-up. She rolled her eyes.  
  
J-Man had insisted they wear some clown get-up, preferably something identical to each other, seeing as they were twins. The only time the Deeds normally wore identical clothing was when they went out to dances and stuff - both in short black dresses that looked fiiiiiiiine. Other than that, they usually wore different things: Delia would wear something sexy and sophisticated, and Deidre would wear something sexy and flirty. It helped people tell them apart.  
  
However, they figured they should do the identical thing tonight, so they had dug around in the closet for anything suitable. They ended up with red tank tops, white short shorts, big red boots, and a Raggedy Ann wig and hat combination they had worn for Halloween years ago. Since they usually didn't wear any clown-like make-up, they searched through Nana Harley's stuff - when she wasn't around, that is - and were surprised to find a thing full of pure white make-up. Not bothering to wonder WHY Nana Harley would have something like that in her possession, they took it and applied it to their faces. They decided to just go with their faces, not wanting to use to much and have Nana Harley notice any of it missing. The end result was pretty sweet. Delia had gotten the idea from a style she had seen currently going on in Japan, where the girls wore heavy make-up and big boots and all that. If they were going to look like clowns, they were gonna make it look gooooooood.  
  
Unfortunately, it seemed that the make-up was pretty cheap stuff, so they were constantly applying more of it.  
  
"Oh my GOD, I feel so stupid now!" Deidre was saying, reaching for the make- up.  
  
Delia grinned. "What, only NOW?" She quipped.  
  
Deidre looked hurt for about a fraction of a second then grinned as well. While the two looked the same, Delia was really the one in charge. Deidre tended to get herself in trouble, and Delia was always the one to bail her out. When their parents died, Delia promised Deidre that no matter what, she was going to look after her.  
  
They both burst out laughing. If there was one thing they had in common, it was their love of laughter. It had gotten them through plenty of hard times. Laugh and the world laughs with you, and all that crap. The truth was, they had been SCARED going to this Jokerz club. They didn't know what to expect. As it turned out, it was pretty anti-climatic - like every other club the girls had gone to. A little disappointing, really. ESPECIALLY J- Man. Completely boring, thought he was so cool. Whatever. So it felt good to laugh.  
  
Speaking of J-Man, he came over to the girls at that moment, grinning, "Hey ladies, how's about a dance?"  
  
The girls stopped laughing and looked each other, like, 'Oh brother.' He had been trying to get them to dance with him all night, which had always ended up with him trying to go BELOW the equator. Not only did the girls not like it, it was BORING. He was like every other man on the planet.  
  
Still, it wasn't like they hadn't anything else to do. And he WAS their ride.  
  
So they got to their feet and moved to the dance floor with him. He looked over to the other guys like, 'who's da man!?' when Deidre said, "Actually, I have to go to the restroom real quick. See ya."  
  
She walked off, disappearing into the crowd, and Delia fumed. 'Oh, sure, leave ME with Mr. Hands,' she thought.  
  
"So, I guess it's just you and me, Deidre," J-Man said, getting up close to her and moving to the music.  
  
Delia rolled her eyes. "It's DELIA. I'm Delia, she's Deidre." She began dancing. She couldn't blame Deidre. She was way more sensitive than Delia, so it was understandable she wanted to get away from J-Man for a bit. Though she wouldn't mind it if J-Man would get the hell away from HER.  
  
And then, amazingly, she got her wish.  
  
A dark figure hidden in the dim flashing lights of the club bumped into J- Man as he passed. J-Man nearly lost his balance, but managed to stay on his feet and spun around. "HEY! Watch where you're going!" he snapped.  
  
The figure stopped and slowly turned around. Delia was surprised to see that it was a man, much older than most of the Jokerz in the room. While he appeared to be wearing clown make-up - white skin, green hair, dark red lips - but he was wearing a very unclown-like trenchcoat with a high collar. He looked at J-Man and a HUGE grin spread across his face, showing his shiny white teeth. Delia immediately sensed something sinister in that grin and realized she was trembling. Which was weird, because she rarely let anything scare her.  
  
J-Man, however, was unfazed. "Aren't you a little old to be a joker?" he sneered.  
  
The man must've been a whole foot taller than J-Man. He slowly bent down towards J-Man, still grinning. "Aren't you a little under qualified to be wearing that outfit?" His voice was low, barely above a whisper, but harsh enough to hear clearly.  
  
"What?" J-Man said, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"That outfit represents a man from long ago who was the greatest villain the world ever knew. No one could touch him. Everyone feared him. I've been watching you, and you are nothing like that man. You're a two-bit crook trying to steal some of his glory. A punk."  
  
J-Man stared at the man with his mouth slightly agape. It was obvious no one had talked to him like that before. Some of the Jokerz dancing nearby had stopped when they heard what the man was saying. They waited to see J- Man's reaction. He finally managed to say, "Well - well - what do YOU know!? And anyway, I'd be big stuff if it weren't for Batman - "  
  
"Batman!?" a joker who hadn't been paying attention up until that moment cried, "where!?"  
  
"BATMAN!?" a few other Jokerz who overheard chorused in panic. The music came to a dead stop.  
  
"NO!" J-Man cried, "Everyone detox! There's no Batman here!"  
  
A moment of silence, then: "Ohhhh." and the music started up again.  
  
The man had watched all this with amusement and chuckled darkly, "Look, you people tremble at the mere mention of his name, and it isn't even THE Batman.it's pathetic."  
  
Delia personally had heard of Batman vaguely on the news once, but she had figured he was some sort of urban legend. Apparently, that was not the case.  
  
J-Man was fuming now, "Oh - Oh YEAH!? .Oh YEAH!?"  
  
"Ooh, that hurts, kid," the man's voice was a little lighter now, bouncier. He was clearly enjoying himself. He put a hand over his heart mockingly as though he were in great pain, "Got me straight in the heart! Yes, it's clear you have an amazing handle in the witty banter department."  
  
J-Man growled. Delia had just been standing there, watching all this with wide eyes, but now she had to admit - well, J-Man DID look funny angry, and the man DID have a point.  
  
She giggled.  
  
J-Man swung around to look at her with wide eyes, looking betrayed. The man looked at her as if noticing her for the first time and gave her the once over. He grinned and winked.  
  
That did it. "Why you -!" J-Man leaped at the man, fists ready, but the man was ready for him, shooting out one large fist and cracking J-Man right across the chin. J-Man's head snapped back and his body crumpled to the ground, where he lay unconscious.  
  
"Oh, did I mention you can't fight for beans?" the man quipped.  
  
Some nearby Jokerz stopped and stared with wide eyes, but then shrugged and went back to their dancing. It wasn't like it was the first time they'd seen a fight break out in there.  
  
Delia looked down at the unconscious J-Man, then slowly up at the man, who had focused his attention on her now. He looked her up and down again, and Delia could almost feel the heat of his eyes on her. He was somewhat handsome, in a bizarre way. His chin and nose were pointed and strong, and his ears were pointy at the tips, almost like elves ears. His eyes seemed almost red, or maybe purple. He was like something out of a fantasy story.  
  
Finally, the man turned away, "Sorry about your date, toots." Though he didn't sound that sorry at all.  
  
''TOOTS'?' Delia wondered in amazement, 'who on earth says 'toots'?' Momentarily distracted, she didn't notice the man disappear into the crowd until it was too late.  
  
"Hey!" but he was gone.  
  
She blinked and looked around, then back down at J-Man. Now what?  
  
Just then Deidre bounced over, looking a bit disturbed. "Uhhh can we go now? Some people in the bathroom were getting freaky with a rubber chicken and I think I'm scarred for life." She noticed J-Man. "Hey, what happened?"  
  
"Some old guy came in here and punched him out," Delia said.  
  
"Ooh, were they fighting over you!?" Deidre said excitedly.  
  
"Um, not really. I'm really not sure WHAT happened." She was silent for a moment, and then suddenly gasped. "Ohmigawd!"  
  
"What? What?"  
  
"Deidre, J-Man's our ride! How are we going to get home without Nana Harley knowing now!?"  
  
Deidre gasped, "You're right! Arrgh, my kingdom for a car!" She looked around and noticed the DeeJay, who was spinning records on a low stage on one side of the club. She grinned.  
  
"Don't worry, sister o' mine, I got an idea!"  
  
She sprinted over to the stage and, before Delia could stop her, she had hopped on up next to the DeeJay and taken the microphone from him.  
  
"Sorry, can I use this? Thanks so much," she said quickly. The DeeJay just stared at her as her switched off the music.  
  
The crowd roared in protest. Delia sighed. "Hello? Hello? Is this thing on?" The microphone squeaked loudly and everyone winced. Deidre smiled sheepishly and tried again. "AHEM. Hi! I'm Deidre Dennis -"  
  
"GET OFF THE STAGE!"  
  
"WHAT THE HECK, TURN ON THE MUSIC!"  
  
"Will you chill out!? I'll get off in a sec! Anyway, see, me and my -"  
  
"GO TO HELL!"  
  
"Jeez, you guys are rude! All we want is a ride! Me and my TWIN sister!"  
  
There was a reason she put the emphasis on TWIN. If there was one thing the girls knew, twins had a lot of power. There was something in all men's minds that when they see one beautiful girl, and then they hear this beautiful girl has a twin sister, that translates: two beautiful girls who I could have a threesome with. And they quickly throw aside any and all logic they posses.  
  
Case in point: many of the male Jokerz began leaping up and down. Suddenly it was like an auction.  
  
"ME! I have a schway car!"  
  
"Mine goes faster!"  
  
"I have leather interior!"  
  
"8-disk CD player!"  
  
"Seat heater!"  
  
"Um, FUZZY DICE!"  
  
Just then a skinny, pale hand shot out of the crowd and a voice cried, "I have all those things, AND a TV with a DVD player, AND I'll stop and let the girls have any ice cream they want!"  
  
There was a beat of silence, and Deidre grinned. "THAT'S our ride."  
  
The other men let out a groan and Deidre gave the microphone back to the DeeJay. "Thank you!" She said cheerfully and hopped back down. The DeeJay shook his head and turned the music back on.  
  
-  
  
-  
  
Okay, I'll continue this soon! Tell me what you think!  
  
Insectikette ~ I think it could go either way, but I personally think the mom's on Harley's side of the family. 


End file.
